I Swear, Warden. There Was a Squirrel Right There
A Bellingham (Washington) man was out squirrel hunting. Or so he said. He was bow hunting. Or so he said. The fact that he was using arrows tipped with bags of marijuana (and other substances) was, er, because, er … The erstwhile squirrel hunter’s peculiarly tipped arrow ended up on top of the second floor, gridded recreation area of the Whatcom County Jail. Nobody was in the jail's recreation area at the time the arrow landed, so deputies aren't sure if the arrow had an intended recipient. After obtaining a search warrant, Wayne Jordan, 36, was arrested and is now incarcerated on the first floor of the county jail. Sans access to the recreation area. — Bellingham Herald
We’ll Dismiss One of the Charges
A Brooklyn, New York, man was arrested for punching a woman in the face and then making off with her cellphone … but unfortunately, the brave genius’ sagging pants made it impossible for him to run too far. On top of that — adding to his genius label — he perpetrated his hit-and-run outside Brooklyn Criminal Court. “He was zigzagging all over the place, but he couldn’t run because his pants was [sic] falling down,” a witness told the New York Post. Joel Donaldson was caught a block away where “his pants were completely around his ankles.” The judge, hearing the initial charges, dismissed the “looking like a fool” charge. — The Brooklyn Daily Eagle
Got Blue Eyes? Well, Then You’re Related
While not necessarily weird, this is interesting. A team of researchers, who analyzed 800 modern blue-eyed people from northern Europe to the Middle East, found that each shared a “carbon copy” of a particular mutated DNA segment. “We can conclude that all blue-eyed individuals are linked to the same ancestor,” said geneticist Hans Eiberg. “They have all inherited the same switch at exactly the same spot in their DNA.” Soo, the next time you see someone with green hair, don’t laugh … they may be the start of a genetic trend. — sciencedaily.com
I Swear She Was 18!
Like most single men, Carlos Alfredo Simon-Timmerman went to Venezuela to enjoy the sights, soak up some sun, eat some steak, and buy some porn. Unfortunately when he returned to Puerto Rico, customs looked askance at the latter and he was arrested for possessing a copy of Little Lupe the Innocent: Don’t Be Fooled by Her Baby Face, starring Lupe Fuentes. Customs officials — and a pediatrician — determined Ms. Fuentes was about 13 or 14 years old and Timmerman was looking at a 20-year sentence as a result. But ... Ms. Fuentes, who was born in 1987, flew to Puerto Rico — “My fans mean everything to me,” she said — and eventually the charges were dropped and Timmerman was released. Ms. Fuentes said she has encountered this problem before. “I think Howard Stern was a little scared when I came into the studio for his show,” she recalled. “He kept telling Robin that they were going to get arrested.” — Examiner.com
Tired of Politics and Politicians?
Again, another “not weird, but we bet you’ll only read it here” story. The next time you’ve had a few and are pissed off at what’s on your Facebook feed, go to drunkdialcongress.org and enter your phone number. You’ll get a recording back — damn near immediately —of a guy who reminds you of the times you’ve called other people when you’ve had a few. They then connect you with your local representative — do this after you’ve had at least a few tequilas— so you can yell at them incoherently until they hang up on you. It probably helps if you drink during the day so there’s some poor intern who has to take the abuse. — DrunkDialCongress.com
Walking Dead on the Beach
The Annual Beach of the Dead zombie party in Brighton (UK) was cancelled this year because of safety fears. No, it wasn’t because sharp pointed head-piercers, hammers, axes, and ammunition ran out. It was because what started as an impromptu gathering in 2012, went over the minimal budget when more than 6,000 people showed up. Organizers — who weren’t trying to organize anything — called it off this year after the crowd was expected to top 12,000. — metro.co.uk
In Case You Were Wondering
State Farm Insurance released their annual who-hits-more-deer-with-their-cars listing. Regardless of which fork you live on and how prevalent you think the ruminant population may be, New York only ranked 15th in the most recent rating (2010-11). State Farm calculated the chances of any single American motorist striking a deer over the next 12 months at 1 in 174, compared with 1 in 167 the year before. Best chance to snag Bambi without a hunting license? West Virginia. Safest place — duh — Hawaii where the odds are 1 in 6,787 … about equal to the odds of the New York Giants running off nine wins in a row. State Farm estimates 1.22 million collisions were caused by the presence of deer between July 1, 2012 and June 30, 2013, a 3.5 percent decrease from a year ago. — State Farm Insurance